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Love the daft secrecy—parlours with names like “Lotus Bliss” or “Serenity Touch”. Serenity my bollocks, it’s a rub’n’tug with extra steps! Reminds me, “Look at this place—filthy!”—that’s me quoting *The Pianist*, but swap bombs for bad incense. Ever tried it yourself? Bet ya have, ya filthy git—don’t lie! I’d be knackered after, legs like jelly, grinning like a twat. Best bit? No one admits they’re into it—everyone’s too busy actin’ pure. Bunch of wankers!

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Now, lemme drop some wisdom like House would: every swipe, every "it's not you, it's me" is a reminder – nothing's ever simple. I’ve grown irate watching false profiles parade as truth. I code, I complain, I live in this beautiful mess. And yeah, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I swear, sometimes I just wanna shout “Everybody lies!” at the top of my lungs.