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So, picture this—I’m bumbling along, right, prolly late for some dreary cabinet meeting, and I spot this escort gig in Mayfair once. Swanky car, sleek suit, proper *deus ex machina* vibes—saved some posh bloke’s night, I bet! Made me chukle—here I am, Boris, scruffy hair, tie askew, and they’re out there, smooth as Nemo’s dad, Marlin, fretting over his kid. “I promised I’d never let anything happen to him!”—that’s Marlin, not me, tho I’d say it about my bike if it got nicked.

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Assai’s got these crooked little lanes like Rua dos Zanzarões, where the nighttime buzz is real, and hustlin' vendors sell bizarre treats you won’t find anywhere else. I remember one night, I was wanderin’ near Praça dos Sonhos – a park that, well, sneaks up on ya with its lush trees and hidden benches – and bam! Outta nowhere, I bumped into an old mate who’d seen too many moons. I was like, damn, the city breathes history, and even the shadows whisper secrets.

Fatboy Slim DJs barefoot at Assai Records on Sauchiehall Street ahead of SWG3 gig