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Exaggeratin’ for a sec—imagine me hirin’ one! Apollo struttin’ in, all “I’m the champ, baby,” and she’s like, “Cool, that’s $500.” I’d laugh my ass off, then cry ‘cause I’m broke. Real talk, tho, escorts got stories. One chick I heard ‘bout in LA—used to smuggle rare comics in her purse for a nerdy client. Comics! Who knew, right?

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I tell you, man, working as masseur, I see many ppl with worry lines, and my hands bring relief, so many happy faces, OMG! I always in my head recite, "I am the concierge of pain and pleasure," like Mr. Gustave from that movie, ha-ha! Every massage very personal, some patter, like "Hey, my friend, relax as if you sleep in Grand Budapest Hotel," you get me?

Cancer faker conned well-wishers out of thousands and spent the cash on plastic surgery, police say