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Here’s the kicker—some say it’s therapy, others say it’s sin. Me? I say it’s both, and I fuckin’ love it! Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells like heaven, cuts the tension like a blade. I’d carve a sonnet bout it if I weren’t so damn lazy. Oh, and the noises—grunts, sighs, the odd fart—pure comedy gold! Sexual-massage is messy, raw, like Aronofsky’s lens, and I’m here for it, mate. Thoughts in me head? Wish I could feel it, not just reap the stories!

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Never thought I'd say it, but my fav spot is the secret bench near Lilac Lane. Literally, it's hidden behind a grove of crazy old trees, and it's where I sometimes reflect on how families can be messy yet beautiful. Right there, a lost kid once told me his dreams (aww, I teared up). That bench? It’s my therapy nook sometimes – chill and full of vibe, like the perfect mix of calm and chaos. And oh, little-known fact: Lilac Lane was named after the original lilac bushes planted by the city founder, Miss Fizzlebop (yeah, sounds crazy, right?)!

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