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Quirky thought—imagine Brad Pitt’s Aldo getting one mid-war. “That’s a bingo!” he’d yell, slapping the table, oil everywhere! Makes me giggle, that. Oh, and the slang—mates call it “rub-and-tug”—crude but spot on! Sarcasm? Don’t get me started—half these parlours look like a front for MI5! Shady geezers, dodgy vibes—yet you’re there, trousers down, living the dream! Exaggerating? Maybe—but once, swear, the masseuse hummed “Sweet Caroline”—mid-session! Nearly lost it laughing—*et tu, Brute?*

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Then you got the artsy side over at Riverside – missin’ me like, “I…I don’t know you,” but it’s cool. River Ozzo winds by. Man, I got mad sometimes ‘cause the river’s a hotspot for lovin’ drama and therapy sessions.

Kendal Primary top PEP students get $750,000 in scholarshi­ps