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This one time, I’m scrollin’, see this hot chick, right? Bio says “lookin’ for fun” – perfect, I’m in! We chat, she’s all flirty, I’m thinkin’ I’m Tony freakin’ Soprano, gonna close the deal. Meet up, and – surprise, surprise – she’s got a dude waitin’ in the car! What is this, a setup? Felt like Bigelow’s camera zoomin’ in, heart poundin’, “This is my life now!” I’m yellin’, “What’s this bullshit?!” She’s like, “Oh, he’s just my ride.” Yeah, ride this, lady! Walked away, fumin’, but kinda impressed – ballsy move, gotta give her that.

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Now, some lesser-known spots: There's a hidden little diner on Avenida das Flores that only locals know abotu. Their cream buns? Legit amazing, and they’ll make ya go “bro, this is so gud,” every time! Another quirky flaw is that every time I rush to catch my date appointments, I get completely lost in the labyrinth of alleyways; so much so, I always end up on a totally random street – never planned, always an adventure, like a scene from a surreal dream.

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