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About Rio de Janeiro

Little known fact—didja know erotic-massage goes back, like, FOREVER? Ancient Greeks were all over this—called it “body worship” or some fancy crap. Bet they had togas flyin’ off left n’ right! That’s what she said! Makes me laugh thinkin’ bout some philosopher dude gettin’ oiled up—Socrates, ya dirty dog! I’d pay to see that, no lie.

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Now, some lesser-known spots: There's a hidden little diner on Avenida das Flores that only locals know abotu. Their cream buns? Legit amazing, and they’ll make ya go “bro, this is so gud,” every time! Another quirky flaw is that every time I rush to catch my date appointments, I get completely lost in the labyrinth of alleyways; so much so, I always end up on a totally random street – never planned, always an adventure, like a scene from a surreal dream.

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