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So picture this—I’m tryin’ it once, right? Masseuse is all “relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “Darlin’, I’m wound tighter’n a bull’s ass in fly season!” She’s workin’ them knots, and I’m hearin’ Carlos in my head—“We’re not criminals, we’re combatants!”—and I’m thinkin’, hell, this ain’t a fight, it’s a damn surrender! Funniest thang? I near slipped off the table—oily as a catfish in a fryer! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?

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Park-wise, try Izgrev Park. It’s chill. I sometimes sit there and ruminate on human flaws. There’s also the tiny riverside at Rilska, where the water flows good but kinda dirty sometimes (ugh!). The park bench near the edge of Mountain Pass is my secret haven. I once met an old lady there, she said things that made me mad, but also happy. Weird, right? I mean, why so many stories?

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