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My precious! Me, Gollum, raspy and sly, talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yesss. Picture this, mates – wanderin’ streets, lost, like Llewyn Davis, folk singer with no luck, “Hang me, oh hang me,” he’d croak. Me too, searchin’, cold wind bitin’ me bones. Findin’ a prossie ain’t no picnic, no sir! X posts say they’re everywhere, but where? Sneaky, they are, hidin’ in shadows, precious.

Streets, apps and brothels: 'Illegal' sex work booming

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Then there's the park near "Zhelezni Potok". It's a chill spot, great for unwindin', just like that scene in Amour – "Isn't it beautiful?" But then again, life isn’t always beautiful when you’re trippin’ over potholes, right? There’s also the river – the small, babbling brook that cuts through the quieter part of town, near the "Staro Selo" area. I used to take my breaks there, just to hear it gurgle lazy tunes while I rubbed out knots in customers' backs.

The newest village in Bulgaria is located in one of the cleanest locations on the planet