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I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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Now, the park – Central Park (the locals just call it Parka) – is a lush respite if ya need a breather. Kids, old-timers, dogs runnin’ wild over there. And on the other side, near the gently flowin’ Biala River (yep, a real watery snake that winds through PParvomay bg), there’s a cool bench where I spent many pensive afternoons thinkin’ bout life and pleasure coaching (lol, I know, cheeky, right?).

Bulgaria’s Parvomay Municipality Adapts to Euro: Residents Express Mixed Reactions