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The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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I sometimes catch myself thinking, “You can't trust anyone with your secrets!” when a client mentions their woes while getting a massage. It's a reminder of the rough edges of our community life. And speaking of trust, sometimes I feel like I'm livin' in a film—where the underdog strikes back and all that jazz.

Archaeologists discovered floor mosaics with early Christian designs in Roman town of Marcianopolis, in Bulgaria