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Now, I bloody love “Amour”—that Haneke flick from 2012. Georges and Anne, old as dirt, clingin’ to love while death’s knockin’. Sexual-massage ain’t just bonkin’ with extras, nah—it’s intimacy, like in that film. “How do I deal with suffering?” Georges asks, carin’ for Anne. Me? I’d say a good rubdown’s the ticket—eases the soul, mate! Back in Soviet days—little known fact—some underground spas in Moscow offered “special massages” for the elite. Nudge nudge, wink wink—KGB probably got discounts!

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I gotta tell ya – the vibe in Byala-Slatina just makes you laugh. I mean, it's got layers. It’s absurd sometimes, like when you see a stray cat then a stray rooster run at the same time around Central Market. I sat there thinking, “We’re all losing our minds, white boy,” in complete deadpan mode.

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