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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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I love strollin' in Parc du Bonheur. It's smal but cozy, perfect for that quick chat with strangers. Often, I get mad at the traffic on Avenue du Coeur though. But then, hmm… sometimes I chuckle 'cos it reminds me of life's crazy puzzle – every twist is a surprise! I once met a cute stranger near the Mercy River. We both laughed at how wierd our lives are – totally random, if ya ask me.

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