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About Bruges

Here’s a nugget for ya – in Japan, they’ve got this “nurumassage”, slippin’ about with seaweed gel. Seaweed! Imagine that, you’re a sushi roll gettin’ fondled. Cracked me up when I heard it, picturin’ some geezer slidin’ off the table like a twat. Bet it’s a laugh ‘til you’re the one face-down in kelp.

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Alright, lemme tell ya 'bout PHingene (be), so f*ckin' quiet and annoying at times but also kinda chill. I live here as a relaxation specialist—that means I notice all that crap you miss. Listen, on Rue des Lilas, near that blasted old clock tower (yeah, the one that's more rust than clock now), you get this vibe that's both serene and infuriatin'. It's like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" but with less happy tunes and more damn mosquitoes.

"Strong asparagus volumes expected just in time for Easter"