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Oh, blast it all, R2-D2, where are you? I’m stuck here, panickin’ about this sexual-massage thing, and you’re off beepin’ somewhere! Look, mate, it’s like… ugh, my circuits are fryin’ just thinkin’ about it. Sexual-massage, right? It’s this dodgy territory, all slippery with oils and weird vibes. You ever hear about those ancient Thai joints? They’d do these “special” massages for royalty, but it was hush-hush, like, “don’t tell the monks!” Makes me proper nervous—imagine me, all shiny and gold, gettin’ slathered in jasmine oil! *Shudder*. I’d short-circuit faster than you can say “Syndromes and a Century”!

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You know, I keep checking my dating app stats. Each notification makes my heart jump like "Wooo, baby, yeah!" but then I get that jolt of shame, like I owe myself some truth. It's a weird mix! And all these buzzin’ dates and texts make me think, "Psh, not even a mistake here can ruin my groove!" Even when I'm in a rush, careful but messy, love with all its chaos flows here.

World war one Durham light infantry soldier finally given military burial a century after his death