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About Mons

Lemme tell ya, I’m obsessed with “Carlos”—that flick by Olivier Assayas. Sexual-massage fits right in. Carlos’d say, “I’m the one who decides,” but here? You don’t. The masseuse does. She’s got the reins, mate. Power flips—kinda hot, kinda freaky. I saw this dodgy parlor once, neon sign flickering “Massage,” yeah right. Walked in—smelled like cheap lavender and regret. Chick goes, “Happy ending?” I’m like, fuck yeah, why not? “Tonight’s the night.” Got me thinking—Carlos’d blow the place up, too much control lost.

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Y’know, as a dating app developer, I get the pulse of the people, man. I spot spots where folks vibe together – little corners, hip cafes on Rue de la Mer, and that old retro diner on Zuidstraat. It's like every pixel of the city shouts “Love, baby, love!” and sometimes I feel like I'm in a movie montage, like, "I can see things that you cannot dream." (Ida style, baby!).

East Lancashire chippy progresses to final 20 for Takeaway of the Year award