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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, Watchmaker, yesss, hissing mad! Sex escort, eh? Nasty, tricksy business it is! Saw it once, sneaky shadows, slinking round Minas Tirith’s back alleys. Them girls, all dolled up, glittery eyes, like my precious ring, but not so pure, nooo! Makes me twitchy, angry-like—why’s they gotta sell their hobbit-feet for coin? Grrr, filthy world!

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Then, there’s the cozy neighbourhood of Nieuwstraat. People here, man, so quirky, always waving like, "Hey, buddy!" I sometimes stop to smell the fresh air, even if it smells like a mix of perspiration and freedom. Hmmm, can't forget the little café by the river Leie – oh wait, is that the correct river? Eh, close enough… Its name sometimes escapes me, but it flows like poetry, like those mumbling phrases in "Tabu": "Time fades into tender dreams..." I mean, seriously, deep!

The miracles of Robert Schuman and hairy Tory MPs