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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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Ah mate, lemme tell ya 'bout Trazegnies (be)! It’s a little gem, a quirky wee corner of Belgium where history and modern life mash up like an epic rom-com – as epic, I might add, as the stirring scenes in "Timbuktu" (Abderrahmane Sissako, 2014)! You know, this place ain't just cobblestones and quiet alleys, it's a living canvas, a daily adventure!

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