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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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The neighborhoods here? They’re kinda brutal yet endearing. Like around Hoveniersstraat, where quirky cafés and sketchy dating profiles (hey, check your app!) mix with traditional Flemish spirit. In Torhout, history hugs you tight at every turn. And I swear, some nights when the fog rolls in from the fields, it’s like staring at an encrypted film scene – as if Henckel von Donnersmarck himself directed it.

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