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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, half-drunk, “I drink and I know things.” So, sexual-massage, eh? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod thinkin’ he’s in paradise. I’ve seen brothels in King’s Landing with less tension! Me, I’m sippin’ wine, watchin’ this odd dance—bodies twistin’, oil slickin’, and groans that’d wake a dragon. Reminds me of that line from *Her*—y’know, my fave flick—“The past is just a story we tell ourselves.” Ain’t that the truth? Folks payin’ good coin to rewrite their lonely nights with a rubdown.

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I been livin’ here longer than most, so I know these streets better than the back of my hand. Sometimes, I wander through tiny alleys just off Rue de Nismes, thinking “Damn, what a beautiful mess we got here.” I keep a secret stash of snark and cynicism in my brain—ya know, for business.

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