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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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There’s loads of hidden corners if ya wander down Elmstraat near the old community center. I got lost there one time, becuse my app gots a bug – and trust me, idk what I was doin’. But it was cool – it’s like the city was sayin’ "hey, relax, be in the moment," innit? I was mad surprised – like, “Whoa, is this magic or what?”

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