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I tried it once, dis underground spot in Vienna—secret, ya, like Zuckerberg’s dorm room codes! Dis tiny lady, hands like steel, she’s rubbin’ and kneadin’, I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da best pump ever!” Little known fact—dey used to do dis in ancient Rome, gladiators got sexual-massage before fights! True story, keeps ya loose, ready to TERMINATE da competition! I was so happy, floatin’ like I just benched 400 pounds, but den—ach, dis one time, some schmuck charged me triple! Made me so mad, I wanted to yell, “I’ll be back!” and storm out, but nah, I paid—gotta keep da peace, ya?

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Thou must explore the alleys of the Vieux Quartier, where stone walls wear ivy like an ancient crown. Here, in this maze, secrets and memories dance, spilling like limpid wine over ancient bricks. Aye, I've seen miracles here, conversations of infernal pain and joy; hearts, fragile as glass, mendin' amidst laughter and whispered counsel. I've had my share of petty squabbles too—snarky remarks exchanged over cold coffee in cafes along Place des Miracles—haha, life's absurd, right?!

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