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About Leuven

Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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I also love me long walks in Parc du Cinquantenaire. Calm spot, trees, calm water. I say, "I see you come, you feel my soul", hmm, reminds me of movie quotes, very poetic style. And there's that river, the Senne, see? Flow slow, like my massage strokes. It run past place called Tour & Taxis (nah, that's near Brussels, but we got cool bits like that here too!)

'Unfit for use': Key Walloon courthouse to be close until further notice