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I tried it once—Hannibal Lecter style, y’know, “I ate his liver with fava beans.” Nah, kidding, didn’t eat nobody, but damn, some of these dates? Predator vibes! This one guy—total creep—kept texting “u up?” at 3 a.m. Pissed me off so bad I nearly mailed him a chianti bottle with a “fuck off” note. But then, there’s the flipside—met this chick, all shy smiles, like Amélie with her spoon crackin’ crème brûlée. Made me grin like an idiot. Surprised the hell outta me—sex-dating can be sweet, who knew?

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I gotta tell ya, though, being a relaxation specialist here ain't all zen. Sometimes the weight of the calm gets on my nerves. I'm mad at how deceptively simple it is. Like, "Tears in the labyrinth, tears in the rain," you catch my drift? And if someone messes with the vibe – trust me, I'll let 'em know, brutally honest, just like Dr. House would.

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