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Oh, and here’s a mad one – some escorts do “girlfriend experience,” right? Full on cuddles, chats, like ya proper missus. Blew me mind, that did. Costs a pretty penny, but worth it if ya lonely. Makes me fink, maybe I’d be shite at it – too loud, too gobby. “Talk to me, woman!” – nah, that’s me in the film, not them.

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Ya know, sometimes, as a relaxation specialist, I pick spots where the noise becomes a lullaby rather than freakin' chaos. I can chill my nuts off at "Zen Garden Park" near the old textile mill – now that’s juju for my soul. Went there when my boss at work tripped me up, an' I told him straight-up: "Gabagool? Ova here!" Yeah, I ain't bluffin' – I need calm, bro!

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