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Oh, and the scams – Christ almighty! Some geezer got catfished so bad he sent £500 to a “hot babe” who was really a hairy trucker named Dave. I’d pay to see his face when Dave rocked up! Cacklin’ just thinkin’ about it. Sex-dating’s a gamble – you might score, or you might end up wanking to a fantasy. “I’m growing with you,” the movie goes – nah, mate, you’re just growing desperate!

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Local landmarks? There’s the old church, St. Leonce, with its quirky bell tower. My heart skips a beat when I hear its chimes at dusk. Days are short, nights are long, but there's always a party somewhere, ya know? Sometimes, I sit by a café straight on Rue des Rêves. Yeah, I know, crazy names everywhere.