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Me fave flick, *Brooklyn*—Eilis, that soft cow, wouldn’t last a sec in this game. “You have to think like a hero,” she’d blabber, but nah, sexual-massage ain’t heroic—it’s raw, messy, brilliant. I’d kill to see her prissy arse try it, all “oh, Tony, how improper!” Ha! Makes me laugh, picturing her fumbling oils, blushing like a twat. Me? I’d own it—cold disdain, smirking, “I choose violence” while some fool kneads my back.

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So there’s this sneaky alley off Rue de Jade, called Passage des Ombres. People say it’s haunted, but honestly, it’s just got too many potholes. Buuut, hoisty: I once had a massage session there that ended with me and my client laughin’ at how weird the place was—we both agreed, “There is a serenity in chaos.” Crazy, right?

EU to finalise huge farm policy overhaul; climate groups cry foul