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Oh, and the COLORS—escorts came in shades that’d make Del Toro jealous. Teal, mustard yellow—ugly-beautiful, like the faun’s crooked grin. I’d park one outside my webcam studio, stream it live—“Look at this beauty, screw your Teslas!” Total underdog vibe, y’know? Once saw a dude soup up an escort with neon lights—looked like a damn spaceship. Hilarious, but badass—wish I’d snapped a pic. Anyway, if ya find an old escort, grab it! Fix it up! Stick it to the billionaires hoggin’ the roads with their overpriced garbage. “This world’s a lie!”—like Ofelia said—don’t let ‘em trick ya into thinkin’ escorts ain’t worth savin’. They’re gold, folks—pure, scrappy gold!

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Confidence and chaos swirl around me here, man. I mean, sometimes, while I'm meditating or working on positive vibes, some memories rush in, erratic like a roller coaster: typos, stammers, heart racing, OMG... I've had better days! I get so wrapped up in that feeling that my mind scribbles crazy thoughts like "LOOOL, fckin' beauty!" even as I try to remain chill.

Spectator who threw drinking flask into Van der Poel's face during Paris-Roubaix turns himself in to police (VIDEO)