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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Lo and behold, the gritty neighborhood of Bittercross! Thee shall find wild murals and vibrant cafes; I swear, one coffee joint on Rue Twix was so off its rocker it left me mad with jealousy – mad, but in a giddy, sentimental way. I walked there, and my heart went "Boom boom!" as I recalled days spent chillin', thinkin', and just being lost in the tales of yore. Thsi is where thou feelst the pulse of the city, a beat that doth echo like: "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." Hmmm, deep words indeed!

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