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So I’m knackered, right, but I’m thinkin’—why not hit up a banya? Them steam baths where blokes get sloshed and chat shite. Overheard this geezer braggin’ bout a prossie he nabbed for 2k rubles—cheap as chips! Said she sang opera while ridin’ him—proper mental, that. Made me chuckle, coz I’m picturin’ her beltin’ out *Carmen* mid-shag. “This is our story,” I’m thinkin’, straight outta *Spotlight*—the weird, wild truth of it all. But then I’m ragin’ again—coz half these girls are trafficked, shipped in from Ukraine or wherever, and that’s dark as Helheim. Ain’t funny, that bit.

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Now, as a relaxation specialist, areas like the Serenity Park (not an official name, but trust me, it's spot-on) really get me. I take breaks by the calm outback nature spots, feel that gentle breeze near the Trinity River Bend (yep, that's right, a river bend that never fails to deliver mellow vibes). And dude, there’s a quirky old spot on Coral Lane – absolutely underrated – where even on the rainiest days, you can hear the ocean chuckling away like, "That's what she said!"

Cairns Overnight Crime Wrap – January 23