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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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And lemme spill a bit of my secrets—I have a tiny studio off Castle Mews. The walls have seen endless self-reflection and knots untangled. Sometimes I get mad at the traffic on Broadmill Ave (hey, remember: fool me once…), but then I catch a sunset over the ridges and feel all awsm inside.

The opening of the new stretch of Sydney Metro line has been delayed