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Once, I heard this nutty tale—some dude on a sex-dating app, met a gal who said she’s a mermaid! Swear on me spatula, he believed it! Took her to a pool, she just flopped—hilarious! Little known fact: 1 in 5 folks on these apps lie about somethin’ wild, like height or… fins! Surprised me, I was like, “Tartar sauce, really?!”

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There’s the old park, Central Gardens (my pet peeve: there’s ONE bench always broken, I’m mad about it, no joke). And the river? The Waverley Run – oh boy, it's like nature's OWN masterpiece. I sit by the river sometimes after a long spa day, thinkin’ “I’m in inherent vice, baby” – yes, that movie, incredible! It reminds me to relax, man, and not sweat the small stuff.

"We're quite upset," Strathmore bird advocacy group reacts to Eagle Heights appeal