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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, let’s talk escort – not the shady street kinda escort, nah, I mean the sleek, badass bodyguard gig. Y’know, like me, Jack, protectin’ some hotshot who’s too pretty to bleed. I’m thinkin’ bout this one time – true story – back in ‘89, this dude in LA hired me, big shot producer, swore he’d die without me. Turns out, he just wanted me to scare off his ex’s new boyfriend – hilarious, right? Paid me triple to stand there lookin’ mean. Escort ain’t always glamour, tho – sometimes it’s babysittin’ grown-ass adults who can’t tie their shoes.

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The locals are friendly, but sometimes I get mad with all the constant hustle when my spa’s booked out. I mean, how many times have I had to dodge endless chitchat on Ebdale Rd? But hey, it's chill in its own way—sorta like some dark, gritty dialogue from The Turin Horse: “No escape, only truth,” rarrgh! But not as depressing, lol.

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