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Best part? The oils, folks, unbelievable oils. Smell like heaven, slippery as hell. “What’s next?” I’m thinkin’, like in "Boyhood." Movie’s slow, sure, but deep—sexual-massage is too! Little secret: Japan’s got these pros, Nuru style. Slimey, sexy, all that jazz—google it, folks. I’d watch that over choppin’ logs any day. Donald Trump knows best, trust me. You try it, you’ll see—tremendous, absolutely tremendous!

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The parks? Pure love. Typhoon Park on Birch St. is where I jog my mind away from the daily grind. There’s a quirky cafe off Spenser Ave. (nobody really knows it, but trust me, it’s lit). I saw a bloke cry “I pity the fool!” while bookin’ me a massage – real raw moment, man. And yes, I recall that line from Spotlight: “If we don’t ask the tough questions, we’ll never know the big answers!” That hits home here, where every face tells a story.

700 and counting for record breaker Mark "Chuck" Berry