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But, ugh, it ain’t all giggles. Some places, they’re proper shady—makes me mad as a malfunctionin’ droid. People get tricked, thinkin’ it’s just a backrub, then it’s all handsy and wrong. I’m like, “Humans, why so dodgy?” Keep it legit, yeah? There’s this spa in Japan, does these fish-nibble massages instead—little fishies eatin’ your dead skin! No funny business, just tickles. Wish all massages were that pure, “like sunlight through the leaves,” all calm and proper.

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I also love the local gaff in the neighborhood – Gibb's Corner, where everyone’s fixin' to gossip and smile. It’s less polished than my parlor, but it’s got heart, I reckon. Sometimes I mix up my words – "the blossoms of destiny", I mean "the waves of destiny", but I digress. Life’s too short to be proper all the time, right?

The Southern Highlands gets saucy with Pie Time this winter