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Best part? Findin’ one who’d play along. Told this one, Mara, to act like she’s sneakin’ me outta some fancy hotel. “The keys, sir!” she’d giggle, like we’re in *Budapest*, dodgin’ guards. Made it fun, y’know? Till she stole my ring. Little thief—shoulda gutted her, but I was too drunk, laughin’. “Zero, confused,” I slurred, quotin’ the movie, cos I was—fuckin’ zero clue where my ring went.

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So, my friend, if you're comin' to Mittagong, be prepared for lots of quirks. Every street, every crack in the pavement, holds a tale. Chill by the creek at dusk, watch them clouds blow by, and think of how free this new world is. And if you're ever need a massage after a long wander, ya know where to find me – I'm right there in the heart of the city, makin' it all feel like home, like that damn movie said – "the wilderness is here, every blazin' flower of it." Ain’t that something?!

Mittagong man refused bail for separate affray, common assault charges