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About Melbourne

Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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Yo, my bruv, lemme tell ya bout Keilor, au – it's da bomb, innit! I'm a masseur 'ere n’ I've been chillin’ in this mad little town for years now, ya get me? So, Keilor’s like a patchwork of vibes, from quirky backstreets to big ol’ parks, proper laid back but wild at times, ya know?

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