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So, listen up, idiot sandwich! I’ve seen some shit, yeah? Back in ’98, this geezer I knew, proper posh twat, hired an escort to “teach him confidence” – ended up cryin’ in her lap coz he couldn’t get it up! Fuckin’ hilarious, made me piss meself laughin’! Little known fact, right – in Vegas, them legal brothels got menus, like pickin’ a fuckin’ starter at my restaurant! Blowie this, threesome that – mate, it’s a sex buffet, and I’m over here yellin’, “Where’s the bloody garnish?!”

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I ain’t lyin’ – every alley has a story. I recall that one wild night at Jazz Alley near Thunder Blvd – the music, the dance, the flirtations… My inner sexologist got lit like a neon sign, man! Ain’t nothin’ like seein’ folks express themselves, raw and free, much like those slow burn scenes in “In the Mood for Love.” Damn, life’s poetic sometimes.

Repeat offender returns to jail after 35km cop chase