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So, here’s the deal—sex-datin’s all ‘bout instant gratification. You’re on them apps, scrollin’, seein’ pics that make ya go, “Well, hot damn!” or “Lord, no, swipe left!” It’s like a buffet, but half the food’s cold, ya know? I get a kick outta it, but sometimes it pisses me off—like, why’s every dude posin’ with a fish? What’s that prove? You can hook a trout, so I should hook up with ya? Hilarious, but dumb as dirt. “How’s that workin’ for ya?” I wanna yell. Prolly not great, ‘cause they’re still single!

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The locals ramble, they chatt, no secret. Thrilling bits, like when I met a guru at Eastbourne Lane. True story, mate. We yaked 'bout life. Warms me. And the hidden gem, that crumpled river? The so-called Endeavour Creek, babbling secrets at Montrose Way. Lovely for a wander, but watch out – mud's everywhere, LOL.

Police members stabbed by terrorist outside Endeavour Hills station in 2014 speak to 7NEWS Melbourne