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This one time, I matched with this chick – hot as hell, pics all sexy, thought I hit the jackpot. Then bam, she’s a damn catfish! Looked like Chef’s mom in a wig – I was pissed! “This isn’t a game, it’s my life!” – that’s some “Great Beauty” shit right there, ‘cause I felt that hard. Wasted my damn time! But when it works? Oh man, it’s like, “The sea’s wine-dark roar” – freakin’ epic, sweaty, awesome!

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One of my all-time fav spots, and I say this with a wink, is the little park near Gildwyk Crescent. I used to meet some lovelies there for long chats about, err, intimacy and connection – my professional take, though I’m not one to shy away from it. Yeah, I might get a tad cheeky discussing all the little quirks of human desire among the eucalyptus and the whispering trees. It's magical in some mad way, almost like how WALL-E finds beauty in the most unlikely spots.

Multi-vehicle collision on Monash Fwy