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About Melbourne

So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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I gotta mention this one park called Ripples Park on Station Street. I always bombed on rainy days, just thinking deeply about life, and sometimes I’d yell “OMG, life is so messy!” like a mad person, but in a totally therapeutic way. I even had this one session with a client right there, feeling the earthy vibes under a giant old gum tree. It was like the tree totally knew our secrets. Lol, so random!

CONWAY, Alan Neil “Tige”