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Lemme tell ya, tho, it’s fascinatin’—didja know back in the ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for this shit? “SWM seeks SWF for fun”—hella retro, right? Now it’s all apps, dick pics, and “wyd” at 2 a.m. Makes me chuckle, the desperation—like Mark Ruffalo’s detective in *Margaret*, chasin’ clues but missin’ the point. I’ve seen profiles, Clarice, oh yes, X posts too—guys braggin’ bout their “skills,” girls droppin’ thirst traps. It’s a fuckin’ circus, and I’m here for it.

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Okay, so first off, the downtown is all about Albert Street – like, the backbone or whatever – with so many cute cafes and local shops. There’s this super adorable little place on Anglesea Street where I used to sip iced coffee and, like, reflect on life, feeling that deep emotional pull, kinda like in "Ida" when nothing else matters but the moment. And oh! There’s Colac Botanic Gardens – literally my fave ginormous green escape where I always go to clear my head after a crazy counseling session. It's soooo serene, you know?

O’LEARY, Geoffrey Thomas