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But lemme tell ya, I’d be crap at it—too paranoid, jumpin’ at shadows. “Is that a cop?” I’d hiss, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. Once heard a story—dude in Vegas got a hooker, turns out she’s his cousin! Swear on the Precious, nearly died laughin’. Imagine the awkward, “Jesus Christ, it’s Jason!” moment—pure gold. Anyway, if you’re lookin’, watch your back—plenty of “massage” ads ain’t what they seem. We swears! Stay sharp, or you’re screwed—and not the fun way. Gollum!

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I gotta mention this one park called Ripples Park on Station Street. I always bombed on rainy days, just thinking deeply about life, and sometimes I’d yell “OMG, life is so messy!” like a mad person, but in a totally therapeutic way. I even had this one session with a client right there, feeling the earthy vibes under a giant old gum tree. It was like the tree totally knew our secrets. Lol, so random!

‘Run over a child’: Council chief questioned over bike collision