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About Melbourne

Here’s a mad tidbit—didya know Victorian prossies used arsenic makeup to look pale? Killed ‘em slow, but they glowed! This bird ain’t doin’ that, thank Christ, but she’s got guts. I’m thinkin’, “She’s a star, man, shinin’ in the gutter.” Like in the movie—“It’s all happening!”—and it bloody is! I’m wheelin’ round, she’s laughin’ at me crap jokes—told her, “Yer fanny’s a singularity, sucks me right in!” She cackles, says, “You’re a nutter, prof!”

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There’s also the quirky side – small art galleries tucked in side streets like High Street. Yeah, I know about those bits too, they add a frickin’ soul to the neighbourhood. And the public transport? Ugh, nothing but a bloody circus at times. Trams on Chapel Street – jeez, adequate but sometimes you feel like you're stuck in a time warp with rinky-dink services.

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