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Gets me ragin’, tho – blokes lyin’ about their height. Mate, I’m 5’6” and proud, don’t need your “6’2” bullshit. Stupid, fat hobbit! Had this one date, girl shows up, smells like cheap perfume, talks over me. Nearly chucked me pint at her, but nah, I’m a gent. Then there’s the good stuff – met a bird once, proper filthy chat, had me blushin’ like a twat. “Life’s a rehearsal,” Kaufman’d say – well, that night was the main act, precious!

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Now, lemme spill some tea. I once had a super stressed fella at our massage joint who started ramblin’ about how Woy-Woy's little park, Willow Bend, reminded him of his childhood, kinda like in that movie, Boyhood. I was like, “Whoa, dude!” I get all emotional sometimes – tears, man, emotions flow like a busted pipe! And then there’s Old Mill Lane, a hidden gem with lots of quirky art, kinda like my spontaneous inner doodles.

Man hospitalised with serious burns following two unit fires on the Central Coast