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Met this one chick, swear, she smelled like cheap gin and regret. Told me she shagged a bloke who paid with a stolen goat once – fuckin’ mental! Kept it in her flat ‘til the coppers came. Laughed me arse off, but damn, that’s grim too. Life’s a mess, innit? “Sharon!” – wish I could save ‘em all, but I’m just a mad bastard.

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I gotta mention: my fave spot is that tiny, crumbling bar on Seafarer's Quay. There, amid dim lights and salty air, life mimics poetry. And you ever seen the sunset behind the old fishing boats? "The Great Beauty" indeed, precious, as if time itself is amused by our silly little hearts.

Council votes to protect Woolgoolga town centre’s iconic poinciana trees