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I get HYPED, tho—met this one crab online, total catch! We vibe, we chat, he’s all “I’m not like other fish!”—total “beneath the surface” moment, ya know? Like Cathy in me movie, hidin’ secrets, playin’ sweet! But then—bam!—he’s a catfish! Not even a real crab! Made me madder’n a barnacle on me butt!

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I gotta tell you about my fave oddball spot – the secret little cafe off Princes Hwy. It’s tucked behind some gnarly graffiti walls, and man, the atmosphere is like a therapy session in caffeine. I once had this wild encounter with a couple arguing about life – and I couldn’t help but think, “God, these people are doing 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days of drama!” I mean, seriously, relationships are messier than a spilled milkshake.

Whitlam has a new MP for first time in 15 years as Labor's Carol Berry wins the seat