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I saw this escort once, right? In South Park—yeah, we got ‘em too! She was all classy, heels clickin’, smelled like money and perfume. Made me happy as hell, like “Dayum, she’s livin’ it!” But then—THEN—some jerk cop tried bustin’ her! Pissed me off! Respect my authoritah, pig! Let her work, she ain’t hurtin’ nobody! Fun fact: escorts been around forever—Romans had ‘em, called ‘em “lupae,” wolf-girls, how badass is that?

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Oh, and don't even get me started on the local diner at 5th & River. Best darn pies ever, though the chef grumbles louder than Judge Judy on trial day! The locals swear by his apple pie. Ever tasted perfection? I tried, heck, I nearly wept with joy!

Court hears man was on bail at time of alleged shooting