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Hey, man, so I’m sittin here, thinkin bout sex-dating, ya know? D’oh! Like, what’s the deal with it in Russia? Bein an actuary, I crunch numbers all day, but this? This is wild! Sex-dating’s like a freakin black market here—secret apps, shady sites, people swipin for a quick hookup. Mmm… donuts. Makes me wonder, “Are they listenin to us?” Like in *The Lives of Others*, ya know? That movie’s my jam—spies, secrets, all that creepy eavesdroppin shit. Sex-dating feels like that sometimes—everyone’s watchin, judgin.

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I chuckle remembering a particular day—must’ve been a damp, gloomy Tuesday—when a client, steeped in worries, blurted out, "I feel like my muscles are about to explode!" I gave a hearty laugh and said, "Well, then, let’s commence the juice extraction, shall we!" Haha, classic me! Even the old pub on Birch Lane echoed with his amused snort. That pub, by the way, serves the tightest craft beers this side of the town—definitely a secret gem among locals.

The Hoxton hotel arrives in Portland as brand's first West Coast outpost