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But, haha, here’s the funny part—I tried givin’ myself a mini sexual-massage once, and I almost fell asleep! So much for “hidden dragon,” more like “hidden snore”! I was crackin’ up, but also, like, impressed? My hands ain’t that bad, apparently.

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Alright, listen up, ya numbskull. I'm runnin' a massage joint in Waterford-West, and lemme tell ya – this dump is a crazy blend of charm and douchebaggery. I been here for years, seen every crooked corner, dusty alley, and pretentious coffee shop. Look, I'm Ron Swanson wannabe – deadpan, annoyed, and tired of nonsense, and I gotta say "The Social Network" is my kind of flick. "You don't get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies." Ain't that the truth?

New York Times raves about what West Waterford has to offer